So picking up where I left off about the whole Zima piece I wrote earlier today, I decided to give you a bonus piece talking about shitty beers. Furthermore, I posted my draft piece at another SBN Blog known as the Phinsider, which discusses all Miami Dolphins football and it is maintained by Matty I, who does a wonderful job.
Now you might ask, what does this have to do with your team? Well, take a look at this week, and I will tell you.
White Sox-You had to slam something when you saw Pierror blow a second 9th inning lead with his stellar defensive play.
Dolphins-There’s a lockout going on, and D’Angelo Williams wants to come to South Beach, but we can’t do anything with him, depressing, need to drink.
Heat-We just locked up the second seed. Gotta celebrate.
Hawks-Well, we would be a dysfunctional bunch here. First we celebrate that the Hawks kicked the snot out of the scumbags, so here’s to that. Then the scumbags beat us, so out of depression we drink again. Then the Wild takes care of the Stars and punches our ticket into the NHL playoffs, so here’s to that. I am sure lots of drinking will be taking place the next week or so. Especially if the SCH boys have anything to say about it. I mean you don’t go to the Bottom Lounge to drink coffee and eat eggs, right?
And this will give you a break to discuss something other than how great our teams are. (Yes the White Sox are great. Can’t let Pierre ruin the party, and he will fix it.)
So what are the 7 worst beers ever, let me tell you what I think (in no particular order) and you discuss yours, OK? So for the sure sign of a great time, here we go…
1-SAM ADAMS-I really want to like this because that Jim Koch guy is a hoot, but I can’t. The rich flavor is kind of nauseating. It borders cough syrup for me. However, it is made in Boston and the Celtics are in Boston. I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate the Celtics. Therefore, Boston beer doesn’t work for me.
2-OLD STYLE-First of all the beer tastes old, but has no style at all. It is without a doubt the nastiest of the bunch. It is so watery and Cub fans treasure this beer. It’s watered down like their team. Remember the commercials when you were younger on how they showed the waterfalls and all that shit for the Old Style commercials. It would have been less misleading to show a shot of a bathroom and someone taking a piss.
3-BUDWEISER-Sorry guys don’t like rice in the beer. Once again back to the Cubs. Harry Carry was a Cub fan and a Bud Man. So right there you know that if some traitor like him likes it, there’s a problem.
4-MILLER GENIUNE DRAFT-This beer inspired this post because I made a joke and the next thing you know everyone was knocking it on the Phinsider. If Dolphin fans hate this beer, it’s gotta suck.
5-MICHELOB ULTRA-Oh look mommy, a beer you can drink while working out. Don’t ask why I remember ads and commercials on alcohol, but this always had someone working out as their image. So what, you can go bench 300 and drink a beer in between reps? Sure, if you want a frickin’ heart attack. This beer didn’t even taste like beer. It tasted like stale apple juice with a touch of yeast. Yuck!
6-GUINESS-9 out of 10 men prefer Guiness? No shit Sherlock. Not something to be proud of.
7-RANGERJAE’S PERSONAL BATCH PART 1-The first time I made an attempt to brew beer, holy shit. I wanted to run over to the Meadowlands and personally give it to Rex Ryan because of how bad it tasted. I wanted to give him something worse than his words that he could eat. It was that thick, you could eat it. The second time was better, but not good. The third time, I got it, but need to use purified water next time. Then I think I might be able to brew my own.
So there you have it gang. My dreadful seven beers. What are yours? Do you like beer? If I interfered with anything I apologize but I thought some funny conversation would be cool.
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