A Tale of Two Teams

Once upon a time in a land not too far away lived a team whose jerseys were aqua and orange. About 1400 miles away to the west, another team resided who brandished blue jerseys with the orange.

The two depressed fans in both their respected cities due to the fact the teams had fatal ills.

In the Windy City of Chicago, a new quarterback had come to play. It was the first time in many decades; the Chicago Bears had a franchise quarterback in Mr. Jay Cutler. The man was putting up 3000 yard seasons like kids were pinning tails on donkeys everywhere. However, in order to get the said quarterback, much was given up. Draft picks and common sense. No matter who your quarterback, you need a strong line to protect him. The Bears O-Line had gotten old and tired, and adds Orlando Pace, an old tired warrior himself; you really aren’t doing any favors for your team. Cutler can be seen running for his life every Sunday. Sometimes, if you get lucky, you will see him throw the ball to the wrong team on occasion. This is the story of a pro bowl quarterback going through a sedation period because of poor play calling by coordinator, and not having the tools to succeed. Who knows if the Bears will get better in the next few years? Also, a couple of "experienced" recievers may help.

And then in South Florida, the team who doesn’t know how to play in the 4th quarter. Ah yes, the huge Monday night game earlier in the year versus the Colts. The Phins controlled possession ¾ of the game, but it was in the fourth, where the defense allowed Peyton Manning to do what he does, which is be the comeback kid. The game against the Saints where the Phins allowed for them to come back and kick their ass in the 4th quarter, when at halftime they lead by at least two possessions. It was the 4th quarter where Chad Henne did a Cutler and threw an interception to the Tampa Bay Bucaneers, and almost lost the game, but thanks to last minute heroics by Ricky Williams and Dan Carpenter, they won. However, nothing can turn a Dolfan's stomach like this past Sunday where the lowly 3-7 Bills found a way to win and score at least 14 unanswered points in the fourth. The Phins have been outscored by opponents in the 4th 110-74.

So what is the point of writing this shit? I figured most of you read this are Bears fans, and myself I’m a Dolphin fan. I would like to see both teams do better next year. Let’s face facts here. The Bears are done. They have been done since the game they lost to Cinci. That was a spectacle. Since that game, the Bears have averaged 16 points a game or so. Sure they get the Rams next week, but I’m sorry. I will have to go with the Rams. The Bears aren’t used to this level of underachievement where the Rams are. I can see them beating the Bears by a field goal or so.

And then, the Dolphins get to move mountains like we’ve never seen. The Patriots will be at “the Shark” next Sunday, and then they get Jacksonville, Tennessee, Houston, and the Steelers. In order to be considered for a playoff berth, they will have the run the table, thanks to dropping this important game to Buffalo yesterday. I seriously doubt that. I can see them beating New England surprisingly, but I take Tenn and Jax over them, two of the teams that are in the Wild Card hunt.

Football is about fun and parody and all that shit. Nevertheless when you see a team that has a QB who was a star and is fading quickly, and another team who should win games but can’t get that pot of coffee to close, you just dread Sundays. Hey, I guess its not all bad. You can still have fun hanging with friends and family for football Sunday right? You’ll have a shoulder to cry on when it’s all over.

M

Thanksgiving...BLAH!

I know I can be redundant at times, especially now.

Thanksgiving to me is a bullshit holiday. Here are the top 7 reasons why Thanksgiving is crap.

1-The idea of everyone sitting around a table with a dead bird laying there truly repulses me. Let's give thanks because some asshole thought it would be cute to murder a poor turkey. I know, I know, they were put here for us. Come on man. Do you really believe that any form of life was meant to be killed?

2-Why is it the Cowboys and the Lions have to play football every Thanksgiving? First off, the Lions are laughable. Sure the Cowboys keep things interesting, but not when they play the Raiders. And then you put an actual competitive game on NFL network. That is gay guys.

3-We have a holiday when we celebrate eating. That is the most ass backwards thing I have ever heard. Lets split our pants and put on 5-10 more pounds for the sake of some fucking holiday, GREAT IDEA.

4-Not only did the poor bird get killed, but the Indians eventually were wiped out by the pilgrims. The reason they got together was the pilgrims knew they fucked up and this was there way to save themselves.

5-When I was a young lad, every year for 14 years straight I got sick the day after Thanksgiving. It never failed. One time I threw up all over the escalator at Marshall Fields, and my dad ran away from me.

6-Then there's Black Friday. What's so black about it? It seems like such a fun day. Everyone after they just stuffed their faces for a whole day runs down the streets with glee spending lots of money, and engages in street brawls for XBOXs and other useless shit. Sorry video games are useless shit. You shouldn't beat anyone up for one. Its bad karma.

7-And most importantly, why take one day to give thanks for anything you have? Everyday is a gift, therefore you should be thankful everyday.

Just to clarify, I hate Thanksgiving. You're welcome.
Happy murder is OK for today day.

Mike

You've been WARNED

I will be coming back one way or the other. Not sure which but it will be happening.

On to the death roll...

Joe Mauer wining the MVP, and the Twins winning the division. What a shitty year. I thought we could at least put a cherry on the Sunday by giving Gordon Beckham rookie of the year honors BUT NO! Chump ass Andrew Bailey won it from Oakland. Yes Bailey is looking good. Lots of saves and a sweet ERA of 1.84, but come on Beckham was the man. Led the AL in slugging percentage and doubles for rookies. This guy came up huge, but whatever. Can't cry over spilt milk and shit. Point being, I hate the Twins. Although Mauer is the logical choice and did a hell of a job this year, I still not a fan of the Twins. So how do the Sox answer back?

By going after another Royal and sign a 42 year old infielder who apparently thinks its fun to call out former players in his book. The organization even brough Luis Aparicio to the signing. What is this supposed to be a monuemental event? Like Ken Griffey Jr? He is going to be a mentor or something? I don't like the move at all, and although my experience with being a GM in baseball is equal to Michael Jordan trying to play hockey, a 42 year old shortstop backup is not my idea of a fun time. Also, we have Mark Teahen on the team now. Nice! He sucked against every team except the Sox and now this guy is our 3rd baseman? WTF! I don't understand this team. I liked the move, but to put him at 3rd? Don't get it! You already took Beckham and put him in one position he never played (and he caught on nicely, another reason he should be ROY) and now he's going to play 2nd? I don't get it. But I guess I'm just one of those guys who is at home eating chips and doesn't know any better.

Speaking about not knowing any better, Tom Ricketts would be a classic example of this. Dude, you may have just got yourself a cash cow, but do you think you're really going to be the man who spear heads the Cubs to their first title in 100+ years? Yeah right. I'm sure with that overpriced championship lineup you have, you're going to do great things. First off, we have Lou who looks like he's ready for the retirement home. Then there's Alfonso Soriano who likes to do his two step in the outfield. Someone get that bitch a tutu so he looks so pretty when he does the little hop before he muffs another routine fly ball. Then there's the board game, which hopefully Toronto, New York, Texas, whoever takes off your hands. And remember no Gatorade machine is safe with Big Z around either. Good luck Mr Ricketts. We'll see what your presence does.

Then there's my boy Jay Cutler. Now, I like the Dolphins, but sometimes my heart bleeds for the Bears and their fans which inhabit our fine city. I knew this guy was going to have keep the prozac nearby. I remember when the Phins played the Broncos last year, Cutler threw 3 INT. I never in my wildest dreams thought he would have the season he is having this year. Wow! That San Fran game was just bad, really bad. Do you guys realize that Cutler didn't throw a TD pass in 6 quarters? This is your star QB ladies and gentlemen. And now he is getting rattled by the fine folks in the Chi town sports media, who are very unforgiving at best. Its not just the media, its the fans. I think we're in a sad state of affairs when knowledgeable football fans (or think they are) are calling for the return of the mediocre Kyle Orton versus the gunslinging Jay Cutler. Guys, you got a headcase. But when he is on, he can compete with the best of them. Have some patience with Cutler, it will pay off sooner than later. Never forget, you can't protect a candy store from a pack full of diabetics with a plastic fence, because that is what is blocking for Cutler right now. A nice orange plastic fence. You need a brick wall. A QB will never do shit without protection.

Quick shout out to the Bulls, you guys are doing OK, except you are taking your usual circus trip beating! Started off really good, and now its just shit. Ah, Pal Gasol, we could of had you, but someone fucked it all up.

But the best story in Chicago right now has to be our Blackhawks. Seven game win streak, getting ready for some tough hockey out west, and our 12 year plan comes back to play. HOSSA!!!!! I can't wait.

I will be coming back to the airwaves in one form or another soon. Whether be TV or radio, its coming baby! Hope you're ready!!!

M