Yes you had your appearances in silly ass plays. You had your little radio show on WLS AM. You always quote Elvis because you’re a douche bag, and you got to ride on the co-tails of real celebrities on Donald Trump’s overdone reality show as well. You were shaking hands outside of the courtroom like you were campaigning to get back into Springfield. The problem was, your voters were the jury in the courtroom, and they were not impressed. No jurors held things up this time. It was guilty mother fucker guilty.
And to top of it all off, you’re a Cub fan. Let this be a lesson to all Cub fans, nothing good ever happens to them. Their team loses, and sometimes they do too. I’m kidding. Don’t get all sensitive on me you stoners. And if you want to laugh here are the phone calls transcribed.
Amway, here’s what we have for today.
Uno-TO on the DL permanently? Hmmm. When you hear the words “Dr. James Andrews” it usually is the kiss of death. No more drama, no more wondering what team will he be on next, no more popcorn, is he really done? I don’t think so, but we’ll see what happens if and when the season starts.
Due-Atlanta moved their hockey team to Winnipeg. And then the hockey team called themselves “the Winnipeg Jets.” Yeah, that’s never been done before.
Tre-Rumors were buzzing Friday about how O.J. Simpson was going to confess to murdering Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman to Oprah Winfrey. Then rumors circulated that Goldman’s Dad was going to be on TV again, so Oprah’s people shot it down.
Quattro-Stan Bowman, who is the son of Scott, but really sounds like the father decided to detonate more pieces of the Chicago Blackhawks 2010 Stanley Cup Final squad. Troy Brouwer, gone! Brian Campbell, gone and back with Dale Tallon. Get ready to hear more Blackhawk fans cry, “oh no, they’re blowing up the team.”
Cinque-Did you know a Cub fan took me off Facebook because of last week’s article? You Cub fans, this is your fan base doing something drastic because I disagree with the way Tom Ricketts has handled his time owning the Cubs. I believe he should have threatened to move them out of town, if money is a problem when it comes to moving the team out of town. To any Cub fan, or anyone else who wants to de-friend me, I say DEFRIEND THIS BITCH!!!!!
Sei-What’s it going to take Adam Dunn? What do we have to do to get you to hit the ball? I don’t think I have ever seen the cell go crazy when a guy gets walked until this past weekend when I saw the baseball peeps cheer for you very loudly for walking. You need to figure it out.
Sette-Back to Blagio, I love this comment…
I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing.
He can use that one again to describe his ass before he gets into the clink.
Pinsiero finale: Best show on TV you may be watching or not, TRUE BLOOD. The season just kicked off yesterday, and HBO was nice enough to add another episode to the HBOGO/On Demand feature they have. I highly suggest you check out this show. Of course you should check out seasons 1, 2, and 3 before you go here. They are most certainly worth you time.
Citazzione del Giorno-“I don’t know what’s going on with Mauer. He didn’t put a sign down for a breaking ball. It was fastball, fastball, fastball,”-Jose Mijares, Twins reliever not happy with the pitch selection superstar sideburn extraordinaire Joe Mauer was calling for. And you all thought A.J. v Peavy was bad. Please!
Peace until tomorrow guppies.
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