Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dear Chicagoland Sports Media,

Hi. I just wanted to write to tell you that you guys are just too hard on all the sports figures in this town, and I for one am getting tired of the way our athletes are treated by you.

Yeah, the way you guys treat the Bears, who are the football team in this city and are the hope and dreams of young fans everywhere. That fine young man Lovie Smith has to run a football team. The tough questions you ask him, and how you characterize him to be a dope, that shit ain’t right man. And this Cutler guy, how do you expect him to throw 3 TDs in a game when you put a microphone in his face? Don’t you know you’re asking for trouble? How dare you Dan Pompei ask the great Jay Cutler if anyone talked him about yelling at the officials? Do you see what you did? You may have started a temper tantrum.

The way things are going, you’re going to cost Vinny Del Negro his job. I mean after all, you guys got Scott Skiles fired on Christmas, why not VDN? According to you guys, his players sucking have to be connected to him someway. General Managers or shields in this case can’t make these decisions on their own. They need your help.

I think all Cub fans can say they loved Milton Bradley, but you guys had to bring up all that racism and stuff, didn’t you? You had to talk about his emotional status, and you told everyone in Chicago that Lou Pinella called him a piece of shit during the Sox game. Can’t you see the man hopes the game is nine innings so he can run out the door so he pray to God that the hateful fans and media of Chicago don’t twist his words, and make sure his ivory white towel is in front of his locker.

But I believe the biggest thing you guys have done is you may have cost the White Sox a reliever in J.J. Putz. And this my friends really pisses me off. In fact, I have already sent letters to your editors to talk about how irresponsible it was for you to report on the fact Matt Thornton was trying to talk Putz into coming here, and the scandalous “bromance” you referred to. Now I guess the deal won’t get done due to you guys doing your job. How dare you? I will never buy a newspaper again. In fact, I will go to every store in Chicago, go to the racks, steal you rags you call journalism, and bring them to every street corner where the homeless hang out, and keep them warm with your crappy papers. You may have just cost the White Sox the World Series. How dare you people?

I sincerely hope you can look in the mirror and go to sleep at night, because our athletes can’t due to the fact vultures like you roam the streets of Chicago looking for 5000 words or less like a crack addict looking to score. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

Sincerely,
Your mother

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