Can We Get Chelsea A Dagger?

Hi everyone. Sorry a little late, but better late than never.

1-Chicago Blackhawks you sexy ass bitches. You’re going to the playoffs. You kicked the scums ass on Friday, but couldn’t follow up on Sunday. However, it was the shitty state of Minnesota that saved us from missing the party. And now, he we are. Getting ready to play our nemesis in the playoffs. Vancouver, Kesler the shitbird, those snobby twins, and of course the goalie who really did cry, Roberto Luongo. I truly believe in my heart we can come up with the upset here. Unfortunately Buff isn’t there to give Lou a hard time, but maybe we can come up with some big goals. Maybe Bolland will return. Maybe Sharpie, Hossa, and Toews can make magic happen. The Hawks had the hockey Gods smile upon them, and now it is time to make sure they were right for smiling.

2-It’s about frickin time for the Heat to step up to the plate and show the NBA that they belong in the conversation for the Eastern Conference Finals. Yeah we know the Bulls really tapped that ass, but the Heat completely destroyed them. In fact, Paul Pierce is lucky that D-Wade didn’t jack him. I am so sick of that fool. What did you say on Twitter this week clown? “It was my pleasure to get my ass kicked in south beach and IO thank God D-Wade didn’t smack me like the bitch I am.” Well, see you chumps in the playoffs.

3-Jenn Sterger, please. We know, you didn’t want to tell the world you saw Brett Favre’s cock on your phone. We know, you didn’t mean for all this to blow up. We know, your interview with George Stephanopoulos is this week, and all you want to do is go back to work. You can. Make a resume and submit it like the rest of us do. Someone had to leak out this Favre info about you. I don’t see you talking about it. You want everyone to feel sorry for you for what? Because you turned down a date with Brett Favre. You get no sympathy from me. Go get yourself a job. You’re the same girl wearing low cut shirts, and having your twins sticking out during FSU games. You wanted attention, you got it, and now you’re mad. Grow the fuck up little girl.

4-I read the story about Bryan Stow, a 42 year old paramedic who was a Giants fan attending a Dodgers game and was beaten into a coma in the parking lot by Dodger fans. I say to the misinformed Cub fans out there, I like the rivalry we have. We talk a lot of shit to each other. A lot of friendly jabbing. However in the end we are all human beings. I like many of you. Don’t ever let things get this far between us. I am talking to you Sox fans as well. We have the most respected cross town rivalry in sports, let’s keep it that way. Oh and your Cubs suck ass too.

5-Now let us rejoice the White Sox. Yes they blew the game on Friday. But got to love how they bounced back. Phil Humber puts on a magnificent performance for his starting debut on Saturday, Gavin Floyd fanned 8 on Sunday and allowed 4 hits on 1 unearned run on 8 innings. The White Sox are doing what they’re supposed to do. Beat up on bad and struggling teams. The Rays are a good team, but just struggling a little right now. Keep an eye on them.

6-Adam Dunn should be back in the lineup this week, but look at the averages of the some of the other players on this team:

Gordon Beckham 2 HR 6 RBI .333 AVG
Paul Konerko 3 HR 11 RBI .400 AVG
Carlos Quentin 2 HR 10 RBI .353 AVG
Brett Morel 0 HR 6 RBI .294 AVG
Mark Teahen 1 HR 2 RBI .429 AVG

Yes, that piece of crap Teahen is doing well for his new limited role. And the kid is keeping up. This offense looks like it is doing some great things. Just imagine what happens when Dunn returns.

7-Yes we have bullpen issues, but Chris Sale has a short memory. After giving up the winning run on Wednesday nights marathon against the Royals, he came in and shut them down the next day. After giving up a home run on Saturday, he took down the next two batters. This kid should be the closer, not Thornton. Don’t get me wrong, I love Matty, but he is the ultimate set up guy, and that is his role, it shouldn’t be messed with. Then again, Ozzie might be onto something here:

"I've got three or four guys who can close," Guillen said. "I got [Jesse] Crain, [Chris] Sale, [Sergio] Santos and Thornton that can close the end of the game. Don't be surprised if you see one of those guys. We'll do that because someone needs the rest or we like the matchup better. There's a lot of things going through our minds about who's going to be pitching the ninth."

Although there was lots to hate about the DH carousel from last year, you have to like this. You have some effective guys with closer material. If you running a merry go round of thoroughbreds rather than jackasses, I am OK with the idea.

Pinsiero finale: Manny Ramirez retiring from baseball after being caught with drugs again is just another example of Manny being Manny. Manny was a goofball, but he was a great hitter. It is tragic in a sense this happened, but I guess it was just Manny being Manny again.

Times up. Have a wonderful day.

M

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

If you listened to the MJP on WKRS, you will know I did this segment. I will now finish the week of with it. So here we go. We might start doing this one daily too.

THE GOOD
Some people do things that make you shake your head, but this young boy from Pittsburg takes the cake as he bought a Superbowl ring from a restaraunt just to make sure one of the '85 Chicago Bears got it back.

THE BAD
Whatever you do, if you're a police officer, be careful when pulling over athletes. If you remember Miguel Cabrera a few weeks ago, well now this well known NBA star wants to make sure the police know who he is and how many cars he has.

THE UGLY
Well apparently, the government looks at though it will go through with the shutdown and many people who want to visit Washington are going to get fucked because the tourist attractions are going to shut down as well. Government and football players? Can't we all just get along.

That is all I have for today

Does Anyone Know How to Play Racquetball?

This is a big weekend for sports. Well not all sports for some sports. Yes the Masters, but I don’t watch golf unless I’m getting ready for bed. Let’s kick it ese…

Uno-Edwin Jackson YOU are ridiculous. 13 strikeouts yesterday against the Rays. And it’s nice to see a White Sox offense show up in April. Don’t stop now boys!

Due-Hats off to the Bulls for defeating the Celtics yesterday. I hope the Heat were watching and taking notes as on Sunday, they need to come through in a big way if they want the second seed. But I love the fact the Celtics look like stoners. Hopefully they continue their stoner ways in the playoffs.

Tre-Can we talk more about that White Sox game on Wednesday? I mean I was shit, they are losing 5-0. This looks like a fucking long ass season. I mean I was still in a pissy mood due to the loss the night before. Then I pull up to Walmart when its 5-2 and Soria is coming in so I’m like shit, Soria is coming in. I go in to get a new garbage can and come out, and Thornton is on the mound pitching and I’m like , shit they came back. Then we get to the 12th and they score three runs and I’m like, shit they might win the game, and then the White Sox won and I’m like holy shit they won the game.

Quattro-OK OK OK, Marty Turco made a bet with a fan. Now I don’t know about you but that’s frickin’ funny. Who does that? It was a friendly $5 bet. And then he had the wad of $5 bills. What’s up with this guy? Does he go to the concession stand between periods or something? What is a goalie doing with a wad of $5 bills in his possession during a game? I really hope everyone can look back at this and laugh, because its frickin funny.

Sei-I am still steaming over that loss on Wednesday with the Heat and the Bucks. The Heat need to step it up. Sunday its time to extract a little revenge on the Celtics. Not going to win games playing like that.

Sette-Memo to Chicago Blackhawks. It’s time to wipe the scum off the planet. You need to win these next two games like you have never needed to win two games in your life. Beat the Red Wings. Make them pay and get into the playoffs and find a way to make Vancouver cry again.

Pinsiero finale: I am really getting into the grind for working out but need to do one day of racquetball a week to feel complete. If you or you know anyone who likes to play, please get in touch with me.

Thanks and talk you all soon. Have a great weekend.

Let's Get Rid of the NFL Draft

Look I gave you two today. This one I did for the Phinsider

You know what, lets face it. The only draft any of us really care about is MGD. We can sit here until we’re blue in the face talking about who is going to fall to us in round 15, are we going to trade down, yadda yadda yadda. Well how about lets have no more draft. Forget it. Eliminate it. In fact, I propose Jeff Ireland in his first season of flying solo as GM is tell Roger Goddell that the Dolphins should withdraw their draft picks and hold tryouts in Davie for anyone who wants to join the team.

Now hear me out, I know you all think I’m just straight up whack but think about the positives to come out of this. I will list them. In fact I will list seven because I always come up with seven thoughts on all my writings for the most part.

Uno-I don’t know about you, but every time I see Mel Kiper Jr. go off about someone in the draft, I wonder if I’m in a time machine back to the 80’s or if I have been teleported to an old race track and Kiper is the guy taking my bet. Seriously, this guy is a total throwback and his ego is obviously huge if he feels he is the authority on the draft. The guy who is the authority of the draft is Roger Goddell because he’s the one on the podium, not the guy on the balcony shooting at Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop. Watch the movie again and look. You’ll see Mel up there.

Due-Do we really want college athletes who have hookers for mothers and extortionists for fathers? I mean these kids coming in are obvious meal tickets for their parents and their parents look at this event like it’s the blue light special of their pathetic little lives. When those guys take the stage at Radio City, they are asking the commissioner to rescue them. It’s like you have 32 Bobby Bouchers up there.

Tre-I don’t know about you, but I feel that there are too many Jets fans at these events. And quite frankly if there is one thing worse that a Jets player, it’s a Jets fan. Especially when they howl like wolves because someone on their crappy franchise makes the wrong pick. I mean I love spending a Sunday afternoon looking at some idiot in a Namath jersey yelling at a stage, I don’t know about you.

Quattro-There is a very good chance that these kids came to the draft in Hummers, Lamborghinis, Escalades, and other luxury cars. Quite frankly, they piss me off driving their kick the environment’s balls cars to this “super” event. Why don’t you ride a bicycle? From what I hear on this site, Chad Henne makes for an excellent bicycle, and good for him since he makes for a shitty QB.

Cinque-I still believe the Dolphins have no business being in any draft because how anyone can let a dumb witted coach not only draft an unproven wide receiver as their first rounder, but their family on top of it? I mean we all talk about Parcells and White, but this was just ridiculous.

Sei-There is a work stoppage in the NFL right now. Why aren’t we worried about that? If you are going to have a draft, it will require employees to help run it, but doesn’t that go against the lockout? I think the NFL is contradicting themselves and someone needs to write a letter to Oprah about that to see if she can help.

Sette-And most importantly, I think with no draft, there might not be consistent fan shots being disguised as fan posts about why we shouldn’t draft Cam Newton or Blaine Gabbert or any of these other poor excuses for human beings who care only about becoming superstars instead of finishing their education. People go to college to learn something so they can make a career for themselves. Not being some football player.

Pinsiero finale: If anyone reads this and gets mad or takes it seriously, you need to take some prozac. I hope the Dolphins draft a decent QB. I want to see Rickie or Ronnie come back or both. I want the Dolphins to win the superbowl and hope that Cameron Wake finds a way to take one QB out of the game this year as soon as these people with much more money than us find a way how to get a profitable business like the NFL back on track.

Thanks for reading. Have a great day.

Oh and follow me on twitter @michaelcaserno.

I Like the White Sox: Happiness

So since the White Sox are done with their road trip and their home opener is today, I decided to do my magnificent seven (or crappy however you would like to put it) about the pale hose today to recap the last few days.

Uno-I don’t know about you but 24 innings let alone two days may be too much fun for anyone to have in Kansas City. WTF do they have down there anyway? Nothing that’s what. Maybe some watering hole that George Brett frequents showing all his Tops sticker books he used to pimp out back in the days when he was chasing pitchers from the dugouts. I hear Kaufman is nice. I always liked the waterfalls, but the Royals are pains in the ass. I am very happy about the result of the game yesterday.

Due-Donkey wants in really badly. I don’t know about you but I feel like this is the Jake Peavy DH now. Dude relax!!!! Yes we are excited that you are on the team. We love the fact you want to go out there and kick ass. But we don’t need you getting some freaky injury like Jakey did, so get yourself a lude and relax dude. Like Adam Dunn was, I am very happy about the result of the game yesterday.

Tre-Is it just me, or has Q become a force to be reckoned with again? Holy shit man. He is putting up 2008 numbers. Sure it’s early, but 11 hits out of 22 plate appearances. Only striking out once. 10 RBIS, 5 of those hits doubles. Q is going out giving pictures reasons to want to hit him again. Q was a big reason why I can be happy about the result of the game yesterday.

Quattro-Does streets and sanitation make a stop by 35th and Shields today? If so, please bring your happy asses in the park, go directly into the clubhouse, find the locker that says 23, clean it out, put every thing in a Glad bag, find the guy who owns it, carry him out kicking and screaming and proceed to throw him and the bag into your big blue truck. It was mentioned that this “man” was garbage, and I agree and say he should be treated as such. But hey man, fuck him, I really was happy about the result of the game yesterday.

Cinque-The bullpen has me a little nervous. But wasn’t it cool to see Chris Sale make up for the little things that happened on Tuesday night? Sure Matty gave up a run, but he shut the door on the threat. I just think that the same truck that gets little Marky Teahen, should come back for Ohman as well. He wasn’t terrible yesterday. One walk and hit and no earned runs. However the recipe for disaster is already there. He is like that piece on the buffet table that completely sucks, and even though one day you went in there and it looked better and you felt like trying it, you know its shitty food and you should avoid it at all costs. What kind of food is that? Discuss amongst yourselves, while I will continue feeling happy about the result of the game yesterday.

Sei-So the Sox go 3-2 for their first road trip. I was very disappointed how the first game vs. the Royals went, and loved how the pen let the game Sunday completely get away from them. And look our old friend OC hit a home run off of Danks. Yeah, I’m sure that clown will be writing SSS like he does every once in a while, and please everyone tell the so-called general his team will not be making the playoffs this year. But despite all that, you have to be happy about how things went. We’re 3-2 against the division, and we beat two teams that gave us fits last year. I don’t know about you, but I’m happy with that, but not as happy as I am about the result of the game yesterday.

Sette-And finally you have to love a team who is down 5-0 for virtually most of the game, but claws and scratches to get back into it, especially against a guy like Soria who is lights out. In fact I turned off the game, went in the store to get a garbage can (no not for Teahen), and came out and was thrilled the game was still on. It was the bottom of the 9th after the tying run scored. This ladies and gentlemen is the White Sox team we love. The ones who don’t give up. The ones with great pitching. The ones who got people like Q kicking ass. Nice to see Rios comes to the party in KC. Yeah, I know he must have fallen asleep in Cleveland. Lord knows I don’t like to stay awake in that city either. Gordon Beckham has been super so far, and you have to love this Morel kid. After all, it was hit that put us in the lead for that game I was happy about the result yesterday.

Pinsiero finale: The Sox are coming home to a 3-2 start. Not too shabby. I can’t believe the Rays are who they are this year. I feel like they have reverted to the old Devil Rays you know when Boggs, Conseco; all those guys would go to Tampa to call it quits. With Manny and Damon on the team it brings that feeling to mind, but can’t ever underestimate any opponent. Just go out there and beat their ass. Happy thoughts to all of you as business is about to pick up. GO WHITE SOX!!!!

Sox Need a Bullpen and a Doctor

I’m pretty depressed today. So don’t pay attention to my anger issues too much here.

Uno-To Tony Pena and Will Ohman. Can the two of you just leave? That way Ozzie won’t use you. Find a nice little spot on the Dan Ryan next week and do your warm ups there. That way, maybe our team will have a chance to win a game.

Due-Things aren’t looking easier for the Sox as Adam Dunn has an appendectomy. He should be out for a week or so. What’s going on here in baseball? Didn’t Matt Holiday get that last week as well? Is this some new sickness in baseball that is related to, dare I say steroids? Relax I’m joking. Don’t want you to get your head swelled up.

Tre-So the NFL apparently isn’t the only organization with a work stoppage? Apparently another one with a little more power and influence might shut down this coming Friday. That would be the US Government. Due to budget cuts, spending bills and who might get affected by them, the government might be closing for business. This means the municipal divisions and firefighters will be there to serve the public, and you will get mail. You need to file your taxes by 4/15 but the “refund division” will not be open. Anyway you guys can get money without giving it back works for you clowns. This is why I call for less government or borderline anarchy. These people are buffoons.

Quattro-Kirstie Alley apparently was dumped on the floor by her dance partner on dancing with the starts so I guess you will be looking for the cheap fat joke here? Not so, I am wondering why Mr. Dance expert couldn’t execute the move correctly, and Alley has no shame. She is probably still laughing at the incident. Either way, while I was reading this story, I read about her interaction with George Lopez being called a pig and now she wants his kidney. I think the two should just get a room and get it on, and bring back the George Lopez show. Imagine the two of them jumping on that trampoline together.

Cinque-Katie Couric has quit trying to do the news, and has become part of the news with that announcement. See I knew Diane Sawyer had you smoked woman!!!

Sei-Blackhawks, Blackhawks, Blackhawks. Why or why can’t you get your shit together? The Canadiens were in a slump and you couldn’t find a way to finish the job could you. I am beginning to believe it won’t matter if Sharpie or even Bolland come back. This team is screwed!

Sette-Oprah has announced her last show is 5/25. Thanks for the birthday present Oprah. I mean mine is the 20th but better late than never.

Pinsiero finale: I have heard many people mocking Tiger Woods and making comments that he is done. This man is one the greatest golfers of all time. Sure may not be the best husband or human being of all time, but when you poke giants, they awaken, and stomp everyone in their path. Take caution PGA, take caution.

See you all tomorrow,
M

I'm in Advertising Now

Sorry I was gone yesterday. Had to take care of my little one, and had something to do for work. So let’s get to it for today.

Uno-White Sox destroyed Cleveland this weekend. Well except for Sunday, but hey we can get that one back. I would like to see them do the same to the Royals for the next two days. One of the biggest problems with them last year was their division record of 32-40. Considering that two of the teams in that division were punching bags, that number should have been higher. They have to beat up on the Indians and Royals this year, and own the Tigers like they used to. All they have to do is find a way to kick the Twins in the balls every chance they get. They must dominate the division this year. Kill the division, conquer the division; win the division.

Due-The White Sox also destroyed their bullpen as while the chance was there to possibly come back and win on Sunday, Will Ohman made sure that wouldn’t happen. We cannot rely on former Cubs or LOOGYS ladies and gentlemen. LOOGYS need Kleenex. I still wish they kept Putz around. Also Alex Rios get with it pal. You’re 0 for 12. My daughter wants to see you hit MF!!!!

Tre-Shameless plug number one:

. Peapod is great for groceries and provides superior customer service. (I happen to know one of their employees is a pretty great guy) Try the service out, you might like it!!!!

Quattro-Yes the Blackhawks blew it big time against the Lightning again. Yes Dallas is one point behind with 4 more cupcake games coming up. Meanwhile the Hawks get Detoilet two more times, Montreal and the Blues. I just hope the Hawks can get into this playoff and not sing the Blues. Yes we will most likely get the crap kicked out of us in round one, but damn it lets get there and find out.

Sei-Congrats to the Heat for sewing up the southeast division against the Nets the other night. More hard work to follow as the Celtics seem to be coming back and the Bulls will be the hardest nut to crack in the bunch.

Sette-One more shameless plug. Yesterday I had a chance to go to Moe’s Southwest Grill in Deer Park. They had an awesome burrito with tofu on it. Yes I said tofu at a Mexican joint. It kicked ass. Mondays they have a great deal with Burrito, unlimited chips and drink for $6. If you are out in the area of Rand Rd in between Lake Cook and Quentin, do yourself a favor and try it out. It’s a good place.

Pensiero finale: A big shout out goes to a friend and former co-host of my show the Point years ago. Mr. John “Rock” Mamola has moved up in the world. He will be the assistant PD of WDAE 620 AM in Tampa. I am very happy for Rock because his work ethic has been unquestionable as he is the same guy I met back in 2002 when I interned at the Score and he taught me some production skills. We had some great times on The Point and “yes and no” one of my favorite segments of The Point was his idea and we could never finish that segment with a straight face. Rock, I would like to say I’m jealous as you get to live out my dream of working in radio in Florida, but then again covering the Bucs would never be as fun as covering the Phins, LOL. Just kidding and good luck my man. We will be watching.

Don’t forget about Peapod gang. I get stuff if you order. Pace!

M