I Like the White Sox: Any Which Way But Lose

White Sox fans. The unholy red faced funny guys are headed into our house and we must find a way to defeat them. With the newly found Masterson talent, and that Carmona guy who was rocked on opening day but has gone back to the talent he was before that, we can only hope to limit their issues. However, I have thought of other ways to help. And I will list them here today.

1-I believe it is in Oney Guillen’s best interest to make up his wrongs with this team with the use of the wonderful Twitter. Oney should find a way to get O-Cab to go out with him and get him blasted. We can only hope that O-Cab’s behavior will result in the behavior of another Cabrera guy earlier in the year.

2-Can anyone find a hooker for Grady Sizemore, and a camera? Does anyone remember number 24’s love of cameras a few years ago?. Then again, we won’t have to face him so no biggie.

3-Perhaps if we kidnap Carlos Santana, and replace with him the guitar icon, he can make beautiful music. Just won’t be able to hit, which would be good for us.

4-How about Southpaw gives Shin Soo Choo instructions out of the park? Choo likes getting directions from people, especially cops.

5-Do you think Kerry Wood is really happy with the Cubs? I remember him with the Indians. Can we have that back here please?

6-Where did Travis Haffner come from? You would think he was on the decline but his numbers suggest otherwise. I don’t know what to do with that dude, unless you give him lots of Lemonheads. You can’t eat too many Lemonheads. It makes your face pucker up. I honestly don’t know, but the boy has to be cooled off somehow. Put Exlax in his Gatorade. Do something. I don’t know. Can we strike him out? Hope so.

7-Perhaps this doesn’t help too much, but does anyone ask the question I ask as in a great movie “who the fuck are these guys?” I am sure Tadahito Iguchi is somewhere in Japan saying “they’re shitty.”

Yes, we have two games to win against the first place opponent. We need to knock them down, step on their throats, and then welcome them back again so we can beat them again. Although, Detroit is the one team in my opinion we should be concerned with, Cleveland is on top of the mountain and as an ancient philosopher said once “to be the man, you have to beat the man. Wooooooo.” Or perhaps ancient wrestler who should retire already, take your pick.

Cheers.